She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
