My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
