Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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