Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
