she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
