i jhust puked up my retainher.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
