The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
how drunk are you?
Several
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
