Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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