Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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