respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Small penises have feelings too.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
