He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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