12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
