is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
