I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
