Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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