plz talk dirty to me
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
