i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
