I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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