I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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