Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
