Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
