well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
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