bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize