i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
