Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
