I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
