So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize
