when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize