I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Say something about gay babies.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
