you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize