Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
