Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
