The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
