Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
