I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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