I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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