you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Also, beer. Big fan.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
