did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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