my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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