Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
