I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Just took my morning after pill in the library
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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