I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
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