Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
