My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
