I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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