I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
