think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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