carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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