Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
you had me at cake vodka
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
