We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
