hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
