I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
