Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
