look no pants
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
BRING THE BAGELS
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
