But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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