Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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