Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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