i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
