He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Randomize
