If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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