You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Randomize
