I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
