I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
