were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
