He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
