I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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