Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
My life is pants optional.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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