remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
