I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
