Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
