i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
