It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
