new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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