I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize
