Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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