11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
