my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Who died my cat blue again?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
