I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
