You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
