so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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