ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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