dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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