My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
