No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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