Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
