Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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