Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
