The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
