I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
