i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
