ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
