I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
