at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
