the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
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