you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
She bit a glass in half.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
