I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
