so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
