Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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